We are all guilty. It is a crushing gravity. If we took that feeling--guilt--and collected it from every moment we feel it in life, and made it into a stone to drop onto our bodies all at once "on the count of three," we would be flattened on "three." It would leave us dead--our body and all it carried and remembered, all at once.
But instead, uncollected guilt kills us in the little deaths we die in our day-to-day moments. Like a slow poison, we don't sense its work--unless we are quiet enough to feel a growing difference. Our own boulders--the ones we are growing every day, will eventually roll and seal the entrance to our tombs. Try as we may, no one can roll their own stone away.
Trapped by our own guilt, we will die the second death.
Jesus came to set us free from guilt and death, and give us new life. The stone was rolled away--the collective guilt and shame of all the world. The stone at the tomb that symbolizes the guilt we all feel, and the fate we deserve--it was rolled away like it was nothing. He came out of that tomb to call us into a new day.
It is a resurrection.
He has called us to a love that is free to receive and free to give. And when you believe it, your body will know that it has been set free. When the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Straight and tall you will stand when the Holy Spirit seals you--not as a tomb is sealed with the weight of a stone--but as a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords, sealed with the power of His presence...freed to experience the lightness of your own being without guilt or shame.
Forgiven--now you can understand, receive, and give undeserved love, grace, and light--because He gave it to you first.
Your peice felt like a mirror.it felt like you put words to something I have carried but could not explain . It hurts to be this way . I just pray for the day when kindness doesn't feel like a burden. a day when love, care , softness , a smile , all of it doesn't feels something that has to be earned . something that we have to return.
"they never asked for anything in return. and somehow that made it worse, because they gave so much without complaint, i started to believe love meant giving everything until there was nothing left"
as long as I've been a part of giving care/receiving care, there's one thing that goes unnoticed until someone mirrors it back on us. Care is a strange substance that multiplies when shared. When we care for our loved others and ask nothing in return, we actually get back a lot: the way they're flustered, the empty bowl of meal we prepared for them, the flicker of life in their eyes (especially if they haven't eaten in a good while), their relaxed posture at home, the comfort from them sleeping nearby, the habitual mess of clothes on the chair. The ritual: one for us and one for them. The very acceptance of care _is_ the return! Mom was right all along, as she always is.
Beautifully expressed, and so poignant. I hope you can gradually let this guilt wash away and let it be transformed into gratitude for all that you did receive. We are all imperfect beings, simply human.
a bittersweet read, and a much needed reminder that being more gentle to ourselves is necessary for survival — even when we feel selfish when the emotional labour we perform for other people leads to emptiness and burnout. i often think about who i am outside of my functionality and usefulness to others. why must i give too much of myself away in order to deserve love and tenderness? lots to think about and reflect upon which is why i think pieces like this are really needed . to challenge and begin the process of unlearning and growth. to know and to heal. thank you for sharing this. lovely, lovely work <3
“sometimes i think we’re all haunted by the echoes of who we used to be when we were with someone else. how we softened in certain ways, hardened in others. and when it ends, when they leave or we walk away, we don’t just lose them. we lose the version of ourselves that existed only in that relationship. we grieve our own reflection. and the body holds onto that too. the body remembers the posture of being loved, even if it was uneven, even if it was fleeting. the way you leaned slightly toward the sound of their voice. the way your breath slowed when they walked into the room. now, even long after, your breath catches when the light looks a certain way or a song you didn’t even know was special starts to play.”
I'm grieving this version of myself today. thank you so much for putting to words what I'm feeling. I'm sitting in so much pain, but your writing helps me identify that it's a little more normal to be dealing with what I'm dealing with.
sometimes i wonder if we all live the same lives in different fonts
come let me rewire your stupid lil brain
you will find me,
already re-wired.
I really can’t have ONE original experience in my life apparently….
We are all guilty. It is a crushing gravity. If we took that feeling--guilt--and collected it from every moment we feel it in life, and made it into a stone to drop onto our bodies all at once "on the count of three," we would be flattened on "three." It would leave us dead--our body and all it carried and remembered, all at once.
But instead, uncollected guilt kills us in the little deaths we die in our day-to-day moments. Like a slow poison, we don't sense its work--unless we are quiet enough to feel a growing difference. Our own boulders--the ones we are growing every day, will eventually roll and seal the entrance to our tombs. Try as we may, no one can roll their own stone away.
Trapped by our own guilt, we will die the second death.
Jesus came to set us free from guilt and death, and give us new life. The stone was rolled away--the collective guilt and shame of all the world. The stone at the tomb that symbolizes the guilt we all feel, and the fate we deserve--it was rolled away like it was nothing. He came out of that tomb to call us into a new day.
It is a resurrection.
He has called us to a love that is free to receive and free to give. And when you believe it, your body will know that it has been set free. When the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Straight and tall you will stand when the Holy Spirit seals you--not as a tomb is sealed with the weight of a stone--but as a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords, sealed with the power of His presence...freed to experience the lightness of your own being without guilt or shame.
Forgiven--now you can understand, receive, and give undeserved love, grace, and light--because He gave it to you first.
"Lazarus, come out!"
Your peice felt like a mirror.it felt like you put words to something I have carried but could not explain . It hurts to be this way . I just pray for the day when kindness doesn't feel like a burden. a day when love, care , softness , a smile , all of it doesn't feels something that has to be earned . something that we have to return.
"they never asked for anything in return. and somehow that made it worse, because they gave so much without complaint, i started to believe love meant giving everything until there was nothing left"
as long as I've been a part of giving care/receiving care, there's one thing that goes unnoticed until someone mirrors it back on us. Care is a strange substance that multiplies when shared. When we care for our loved others and ask nothing in return, we actually get back a lot: the way they're flustered, the empty bowl of meal we prepared for them, the flicker of life in their eyes (especially if they haven't eaten in a good while), their relaxed posture at home, the comfort from them sleeping nearby, the habitual mess of clothes on the chair. The ritual: one for us and one for them. The very acceptance of care _is_ the return! Mom was right all along, as she always is.
Beautifully expressed, and so poignant. I hope you can gradually let this guilt wash away and let it be transformed into gratitude for all that you did receive. We are all imperfect beings, simply human.
Absolutely loved this! The guilt is especially hard at moments when you don’t think you deserve love. You captured the burden so so well.
Another amazing piece, thank you
a bittersweet read, and a much needed reminder that being more gentle to ourselves is necessary for survival — even when we feel selfish when the emotional labour we perform for other people leads to emptiness and burnout. i often think about who i am outside of my functionality and usefulness to others. why must i give too much of myself away in order to deserve love and tenderness? lots to think about and reflect upon which is why i think pieces like this are really needed . to challenge and begin the process of unlearning and growth. to know and to heal. thank you for sharing this. lovely, lovely work <3
“sometimes i think we’re all haunted by the echoes of who we used to be when we were with someone else. how we softened in certain ways, hardened in others. and when it ends, when they leave or we walk away, we don’t just lose them. we lose the version of ourselves that existed only in that relationship. we grieve our own reflection. and the body holds onto that too. the body remembers the posture of being loved, even if it was uneven, even if it was fleeting. the way you leaned slightly toward the sound of their voice. the way your breath slowed when they walked into the room. now, even long after, your breath catches when the light looks a certain way or a song you didn’t even know was special starts to play.”
I'm grieving this version of myself today. thank you so much for putting to words what I'm feeling. I'm sitting in so much pain, but your writing helps me identify that it's a little more normal to be dealing with what I'm dealing with.
This resonates so much. Beautifully written with inspiring vulnerability. ❤️
the question is should i slap you or should i slap myself?!🥸
This post describes moments and emotions I have trouble putting into words🤍
FIRST
Such beauty in this writing, so personal and heartfelt. Happy to have read this, thank you.