Everything you've shared since I started reading your thoughts has resonated with me. I'm now in my 50s and still trying to work out why I hold on to the dream of everything which seems more unattainable by the day. I will certainly remember you for the rest of my days.
Gor, I feel your pain and angst in this post and I want to fervently assure you that your work is noticed. You are influential—even important. My friends and I reference and talk about your beautiful essays frequently. Your honesty and vulnerability are a gift to yourself and others. Even if you feel like no one notices or appreciates it, they do.
I resonated with so much of this, as a person who is still in my 20s, but on the later end, I have also felt the weight of ambition and self doubt. However, somewhere around my Saturn Return (which is said to be about 27 years), I started to come to peace with this simple and powerful truth: life is long, if you are lucky. There is time to achieve and lose and succeed and win and fail again. As someone who also felt worldly beyond my years, I could map out at very young age all the things I needed to do to be “successful.” I looked around at other young people who were naive, not a care in the world, and thought, “how stupid and short sighted, don’t they worry about the future?” Now I realize that being present, taking risks and being ok with falling and getting right back up, is a skill I never honed. I stopped caring about “success” because it stopping meaning so much to me to get it quickly.
Keep doing your art. Keep influencing the people who resonate with it. Half of the game is perseverance, being brave enough to keep producing and shouting into the void until it slowly fills with people who recognize your talents.
What you call the ache of being in your 20s was with me in my teens and persists in my 50s. Like you, I've never wanted fame or worldly power... or when I have, the desire embarrassed me... but I've also known I'm built to do things that require me to be seen, to be a spectacle. Though I don't have any answers, lately I have taken comfort in the words of a teacher, mentor, maybe shaman who told me it took her a long time to abide in the words of HER mentor: creation begins in solitude. Wisdom, connection, growth all coalesce in the liminal spaces of solitude. As this notion has begun to sink in, I've realized loneliness is the illusion of mind, that truth is in being present in the moment, in my body, experiencing myself and the world around me exactly as is, letting my egoistic attachment to how I want everything to be just rise and fall away, rise and fall away, rise and fall away without clinging to or defining myself by or judging myself for any of it. The tone, the shape, the music of your writing suggests you already possess this wisdom. I hear it, feel it, and thank you for expressing it so beautifully.
I was listening to this one like a podcast before starting my day after Suhoor. Every few seconds, it called out and ensnared a thought I had buried, because it was far too distressing to solve on my own.
But I feel satisfied though, maybe because I know I’m not the only one who has felt these emotions, or maybe because I’m glad someone could articulate them so precisely, with such apt intensity, that so many of us can resonate with it.
One thing I trust the oldies on is this: don't fret too much about your 20s—just do your best.
It may sound like a platitude, but those five things we do with pure intention and utmost devotion, without obsessing over the twenty things we’re missing out on, will bear its fruit later in life.
I have an idea/ suggestion, since I feel you have the talent of describing the indescribable:
You should consider writing a novel where you can write a chapter at the end of every year about your experience with life, the problems, emotions which are general yet not talked about. And publish it after a decade, so 10 years for each book, first book at 30, second at 40 and so on. Or maybe 5 years? the dedication required sounds daunting but i feel this will be very beneficial for every age group and become a legacy.
A lof it this resonated deeply within my soul. I see you, especially where you talk about chasing professions that invited the spotlight while being someone who does not crave it.
I used to be that person. And then I read The Artists' Way by Julia Cameron, and came across the idea of the shadow artist, which seemed to explain my contradictory personalities - chasing the thing I told myself I did not want.
Every word written here, I feel it in my entire existence. How am I supposed to know if I should continue on a certain path or give up? Will I be successful if I don’t follow the rules of the algorithm? How do I remain authentic when copy and paste seems to be the only trend winning?
I’m in my 20s. Everything right feels so wrong. I have to navigate a path I’ve never known but like a pro.
Reading this piece felt like a long and comforting hug after pushing affection away for too long. Thank you for this - for the reminder to aspire for resonance and comfort over applause and validation.
Everything you've shared since I started reading your thoughts has resonated with me. I'm now in my 50s and still trying to work out why I hold on to the dream of everything which seems more unattainable by the day. I will certainly remember you for the rest of my days.
thank you so much, this means a lot
Gor, I feel your pain and angst in this post and I want to fervently assure you that your work is noticed. You are influential—even important. My friends and I reference and talk about your beautiful essays frequently. Your honesty and vulnerability are a gift to yourself and others. Even if you feel like no one notices or appreciates it, they do.
I resonated with so much of this, as a person who is still in my 20s, but on the later end, I have also felt the weight of ambition and self doubt. However, somewhere around my Saturn Return (which is said to be about 27 years), I started to come to peace with this simple and powerful truth: life is long, if you are lucky. There is time to achieve and lose and succeed and win and fail again. As someone who also felt worldly beyond my years, I could map out at very young age all the things I needed to do to be “successful.” I looked around at other young people who were naive, not a care in the world, and thought, “how stupid and short sighted, don’t they worry about the future?” Now I realize that being present, taking risks and being ok with falling and getting right back up, is a skill I never honed. I stopped caring about “success” because it stopping meaning so much to me to get it quickly.
Keep doing your art. Keep influencing the people who resonate with it. Half of the game is perseverance, being brave enough to keep producing and shouting into the void until it slowly fills with people who recognize your talents.
thank you so much for this comment Monica, it was much needed!
What you call the ache of being in your 20s was with me in my teens and persists in my 50s. Like you, I've never wanted fame or worldly power... or when I have, the desire embarrassed me... but I've also known I'm built to do things that require me to be seen, to be a spectacle. Though I don't have any answers, lately I have taken comfort in the words of a teacher, mentor, maybe shaman who told me it took her a long time to abide in the words of HER mentor: creation begins in solitude. Wisdom, connection, growth all coalesce in the liminal spaces of solitude. As this notion has begun to sink in, I've realized loneliness is the illusion of mind, that truth is in being present in the moment, in my body, experiencing myself and the world around me exactly as is, letting my egoistic attachment to how I want everything to be just rise and fall away, rise and fall away, rise and fall away without clinging to or defining myself by or judging myself for any of it. The tone, the shape, the music of your writing suggests you already possess this wisdom. I hear it, feel it, and thank you for expressing it so beautifully.
thank you so much for taking time out to comment. this is lovely and much needed.
I was listening to this one like a podcast before starting my day after Suhoor. Every few seconds, it called out and ensnared a thought I had buried, because it was far too distressing to solve on my own.
But I feel satisfied though, maybe because I know I’m not the only one who has felt these emotions, or maybe because I’m glad someone could articulate them so precisely, with such apt intensity, that so many of us can resonate with it.
One thing I trust the oldies on is this: don't fret too much about your 20s—just do your best.
It may sound like a platitude, but those five things we do with pure intention and utmost devotion, without obsessing over the twenty things we’re missing out on, will bear its fruit later in life.
I have an idea/ suggestion, since I feel you have the talent of describing the indescribable:
You should consider writing a novel where you can write a chapter at the end of every year about your experience with life, the problems, emotions which are general yet not talked about. And publish it after a decade, so 10 years for each book, first book at 30, second at 40 and so on. Or maybe 5 years? the dedication required sounds daunting but i feel this will be very beneficial for every age group and become a legacy.
Ha. Wait to your thirties. And forties. And fifties.
Welcome to be being a human after adolescence…If that is what you choose.
very excited, hehe
Felt this in my bones
If someone is able to put in so much in words regarding what he feels I think he's halfway there. Very true lines up there
How am I supposed to feel the same rage in my teenage
you got this kid, take care. and all the best!
A lof it this resonated deeply within my soul. I see you, especially where you talk about chasing professions that invited the spotlight while being someone who does not crave it.
I used to be that person. And then I read The Artists' Way by Julia Cameron, and came across the idea of the shadow artist, which seemed to explain my contradictory personalities - chasing the thing I told myself I did not want.
Have you read the book or heard of the term?
Every word written here, I feel it in my entire existence. How am I supposed to know if I should continue on a certain path or give up? Will I be successful if I don’t follow the rules of the algorithm? How do I remain authentic when copy and paste seems to be the only trend winning?
I’m in my 20s. Everything right feels so wrong. I have to navigate a path I’ve never known but like a pro.
All the feels 😪
Coming back here in 3 years for that tap on the shoulder I'll probably need!
I will be waiting for you, all the best!
Thank you 🫀
Reading this piece felt like a long and comforting hug after pushing affection away for too long. Thank you for this - for the reminder to aspire for resonance and comfort over applause and validation.
thank you so much for reading the piece, much love
I don't have words. Just thank you
thank you for reading the stack
Ah! I felt it. It's brutally beautiful.
Just do was Max Smith is doing. “The Preparation” is what they call it and it’s turning him into a bad ass.